Celebrity Suspect: Demi Moore

Case: It’s another episode of Skating with the Stars! Unfortunately, while making the rounds at the Sundance Film Festival our favorite cougar gave her best figure skater style camel spin as her security detail looked on in horror.

Spa Treatment Sentencing:
There are so many adverse elements in the photo that we don’t know where to start. The mounting evidence begins from the ground up. Celebrity or not, who wears 4 inch stilettos in the midst of a snow storm? Around this time of year Park City Utah is known for great skiing conditions, so why was Demi unprepared? We can only imagine the bumps and bruises she had to soothe after such a tumble. Upon her return from Utah we’re sending the California girl to a celeb spa haven. Skin Beauty Bar in Studio City, California has a growing A-list roster including Madonna, Eva, and even Demi herself. A body treatment is definitely in order so we’re sending Demi to get a 50 Minute Session from The Massage God (sounds heavenly) for $65. Check out more spa deals in your area.

Celebrity Suspect: Cathy Cruz Marrero

Case: We know, another name to make you go, “who? huh? what?” Face it, after Antoine Dodson, Ted Williams and many others, viral videos are quickly becoming the accidental career boosters of today. Here we’ve stumbled upon another hilarious jewel. On a texting frenzy while leaving her job in the mall Cathy Cruz Marrero accidentally fell into a huge water fountain and it was all recorded by the mall’s security cameras.

Spa Treatment Sentencing: In an ABC News interview Cathy explains it took mall security 20 minutes to respond after she had fallen and she might file legal action. A little distressed but luckily unharmed, it will take Cathy a while to adjust to her unsought fame. To help we’re sending Cathy to get pampered at The Spa at the Hotel Hershey in Hershey, PA for an 80 Min Mimosa Champagne Body Treatment. This sentence includes a delicious blend of Champagne grapes and Orange Essential Oils tantalizing the senses to renew and soften your body, a Full Body Mimosa Exfoliation followed by a 50 Min Mimosa Champagne Massage for $150. Watch the clip below.

Celebrity Suspect: Hillary Clinton

Case: Serving as a commanding leader of the United States of America tackling important world issues, it’s safe to say the last thing on Hillary’s mind was that extra step. Yesterday, while boarding a plane in Yemen the Secretary of State lost her balance and tripped inside of the doorway of the aircraft in front of everyone. Those five minutes of pageant waving while simultaneously walking must have gotten her dizzy. Adding more insult to injury (literally) a video of the painful fall quickly spread on YouTube.

Spa Treatment Sentencing: Falling inside of a plane is no fun and certainly not when the whole world is watching. For taken that spill ever so gracefully we are sending Hillary back to the capital to get a 80 Min Massage with Cranio-Sacral Therapy for $110 at Washington D.C.’s The Spa Room, available as part of our January Spa Deals. CNN reports that there is currently snow in 49 states including Hawaii causing slips and trips everywhere. If you’ve fallen victim to that tricky black ice then you may be in need of a rub down too. Click here for your massage.

Image Courtesy of aishamusic.wordpress.com

Celebrity Suspect: Ted Williams, The Homeless Man With the Golden Voice

Case: Less than 48 hours ago, Ted Williams was your typical homeless man trolling the cold highways in Ohio, but unlike the others he had a gift. He carried a sign which said it all — he had a voice fit for the radio business. The photographer from the Columbia Dispatch filmed him doing unbelievable sample voice overs for radio and tv. Today he stands as a man with multiple offers, including a brand new home and a full time voice over gig with the Cleveland Cavaliers.

Spa Treatment Sentencing: We hear that the native Brooklynite is on his way to New York City to be reunited with his mother whom he hasn’t seen in over 20 years and for more meetings. After decades of living on the street and becoming a celebrity literally overnight, we need to get him up to speed with a complete spa day. For proving that with a lot of hope and a little luck dreams can come true, we are sentencing Ted Williams to a 60 Minute Massage and European Facial, followed by a Manicure and Pedicure, only $50 each at Spa West in Westlake, Ohio in our spa deals.

The original clip that changed this man’s life had over 11 million views but just moments ago got taken down due to a legal matter (come ON!) but you can watch his CBS interview HERE.

Celebrity Suspect: Oprah Winfrey

Case: Controversial talk show host and political critic, Bill Maher had some choice words for Oprah during his holiday special. Tell your “worshiping flock to sit down and stop losing your s**t over material stuff.” Ouch. It’s been 20+ years of giveaways including trips to Australia, Burberry coats, beauty products, and even brand new cars. (See video below.) Maher points out that society has become obsessed with greed and acquiring things with monetary value.

Spa Treatment Sentence: We agree with Maher to a certain extent, but Madonna cleared the air long ago, and it’s a fact: we are living in a material world. We think O has all good intentions. After all, Oprah gave $40 million to charity this year, making her THE most charitable celebrity. If we had the power, we’d lock Oprah away at the spa for a while to take a break from all the hard work she does. Oh, wait we do—hypothetically, at least. For years of generosity, Oprah will be serving her spa-time starting with at SpellBound Bodywork & Beauty, located in Chicago of course. We sentence Oprah to get the ball rolling with a Mini-Facial and Massage, both $50 each in our spa deals.

Take a peek at the mounting evidence courtesy of a youtube remix of Oprah’s famous car giving episode below.

Image Courtesy of milkdog.com